It’s hard to imagine a worse movie than “Ed.” Let’s set up a background: the year is 1996, the show “Friends” is a hit. Everyone loves it. So why wouldn’t everyone love a movie with the same actors? Maybe it’s possible if there is a solid plot or good writing. Instead, we get Matt Leblanc (aka “Joey” from “Friends”) in what might be the most uncomfortably bad movie ever made.
Our story begins in the competitive, heated, and fan-filled world of minor league baseball. Seriously. Every game is packed with fans that have way too much of their lives invested in this team, the Santa Rosa Rockets. The film begins with Jack “The Deuce” Cooper (Leblanc) trying out for the minor league team. The coaches discover he is a pitching prodigy and at the same time discover that he has never in his life played baseball. Which raises one of many unanswered questions: Why was he at the tryouts in the first place?
A year later, Jack wakes up at his parent’s farm in his old bed with his dog. Oh, did you imagine the dog at the foot of the bed? No. Jack wakes up passionately cuddling with this dog as if there was a deleted scene of the previous night (thank god there isn’t). Jack goes to practice and discovers that he is in a pitching slump only during the games. Instead, he pitches wonderfully during the practices. After a lost game, the team’s owner’s son (who for no explained reason acts as the owner of the team) visits the coach after the game, giving the team’s leader a plastic bound book that simply reads “The Plan.” This book apparently was purchased at Mickey Mantle’s house auction. The coach opens the book and scoffs. He then calls Jack into his office and requests that Jack go pick up the team’s new mascot. This brings us to Act Two of the movie, which is even worse.
Jack goes and picks up his new roommate/mascot from the back of a bus. He expects a person, but gets a chimpanzee. His name: Ed. Mind you, his reaction is not one of disbelief but of annoyance. Jack treats the situation as if plenty of teams get a chimpanzee, and he was stuck with the job of watching it. This chimp, however, functions better than any monkey. He fully understands the English language, can communicate his thoughts very well through motion and grunts, and plays professional-level baseball. That’s right. Turns out he is the best baseball player ever. So he goes to the minor league team of course.
Everyone loves Ed except for Jack. Jack is angry because he is in a slump and can’t even focus on his love interest (his downstairs neighbor). His downstairs neighbor is a mother who drives a Cadillac and supports her 5-year-old daughter all on a waitress’ salary.
There are so many scenes in this movie that are illogical, terrible, and just badly-written. Thus, I will end the review with a description of one of these scenes:
When Jack finally gets home from picking Ed up, he runs into his downstairs neighbor/love interest, who, along with her five-year-old daughter is introduced to Ed. She invites Jack and Ed to dinner and Jack politely declines. After Jack walks away, the mother turns to her daughter and says, “He is one troubled guy.” The daughter responds with: “I guess. But he’s got a great butt.” How does her mother reply? Does she say, “My goodness, you are a five-year-old who is sexually objectifying our troubled upstairs neighbor. This is very bad, you have to get help.” No. Instead she exclaims, “Elizabeth!” as if to say, “You rascal!”
This movie was ranked as number 86 on IMDB’s bottom 100 movies. Ever. I would say I watched this but it would be fairer to say that I endured it. This film can be released, but “Community” can’t even get an air date. This is the world we live in. If you would like to see “Ed,” it is available on Netflix Instant.